“I remain confident of this: I will see the GOODNESS of the Lord in the land of the living. WAIT for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
??Psalms? ?27:13-14?
Waiting, hoping, trusting, standing firm in the faith. These are part of a Christ follower’s life but sometimes it’s really hard. And, we aren’t supposed to just passively stand by as we wait for God’s timing. Instead, we are called to activate our faith and take steps of obedience. Waiting on the Lord doesn’t excuse us from actually doing something and serving those around us and growing in the Lord. It’s not a cop out to stay stagnant in your faith and let others carry the load as you just chill on standby. But, at the same time, we aren’t supposed to rush ahead of God’s timing and sovereign plan to do it our way. It’s a both/and as we’re fond of saying at G42. You sit back and patiently wait for the Lord to move in one area but also you step out in obedience and continue to live for Christ, working with all you have in you to bring the Kingdom and make disciples.
Seasons of waiting refine us and teach us and force us to depend on God. We become closer to Him in these seasons if we choose to trust Him and press in to what He’s doing in us and through us. These seasons are gifts from the Father and mold us into who He’s created us to be. Would Abraham have been the amazing father he was to Isaac and been willing to sacrifice his own son after all those years of waiting if he hadn’t had to wait 25 years for the fulfillment of God’s promise to him?
It’s in the waiting that we discover who we really are and what we’re made of and who our God is and His character.
For me, the season of waiting I’m walking through is singleness and waiting for my husband. I’m 31 years old and not getting any younger. My biological clock is ticking and I’ve seen many of my friends and acquaintances get engaged, marry, have babies, and divorce. Yet, I’m still single with no prospects. I usually don’t talk about it and hate to complain and I try to stuff down my pain, frustration, bitterness, and resentment. I numb my hurt and do okay but it bubbles to the surface every time I see an engagement shoot, marriage proposal, wedding invitation, baby ultrasound scan, or a couple’s embrace. Envy, despair, and rage threaten to consume me and I rush to stuff my emotions and be joyful for the people celebrating and to remind myself of the Good Good Father I have.
I know the truth:
My God doesn’t withhold good things from His children. He certainly hasn’t forgotten me and He gave me the desires of my heart and He will come through on His promise of a husband to me. He is faithful and trustworthy and loving. He has purpose in the waiting and He’s refining me and my future husband through this season. I can trust Him with my heart.
I realized this year that I’ve closed off part of my heart to God over the years because it’s painful to let Him in. If I just stuff my emotions and pain down, I can live in denial of how much I’m hurting. It’s easier to live with low expectations and not hold out so-called false hope for a husband so that I don’t get disappointed if I never marry. But, this has bred bitterness, resentment, and distrust towards God and has damaged the intimacy we share. I’ve walled off part of my heart from Him and allowed the lies/hurt to cloud the truth of His character. He is good, kind, patient, faithful, and loving. He gives good gifts to His children and always has my best interest at heart. I can trust Him.
God is so faithful though, y’all. He never gives up on us and always loves us so incredibly well no matter how we treat Him because that’s just who He is! Through things I’ve walked through, words of encouragement spoken into me by friends and staff, and His steadfast pursuit of me, I’ve started to really believe that I will have a husband and that it will be soon. I have a deep hope and expectancy that I’ve never had before and I’m opening my heart back up to the Lord in this area. I see glimpses of the purpose in all this waiting. I’m a different person now than I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, and even 1 year ago. The person I would choose now is different than in the past and I’m ready for a freakin MAN OF GOD. My standards were always high and now they’re exceptionally high so it’s gonna take a miracle but my Dad is the God of miracles so I think I’m covered.
I’ve started to activate my faith and attach my trust in God to my belief that He’ll deliver on His promise of a husband to me. He’s told me multiple times that I will be a wife one day and I’m starting to actually believe Him. I’ve started praying for my husband, saying “I am a wife” in the mirror to speak identity over myself, and writing letters to my future husband. Honestly, it feels crazy at times to tell myself I’m a wife when there’s no evidence of that or to write a letter to a person that may only exist in my own imagination. BUT GOD. It’s causing me to trust Him more. For God, who lives outside of time, it’s already done. I’m already married. I have a godly husband and the promise is fulfilled. I’m starting to see reality in the spiritual as more real than my current external reality. My faith is increasing and becoming more rooted. The Lord is using this difficult season of waiting to draw me closer to Him and to refine me. And, it’s a freakin gift.
I don’t know what season of waiting you’re currently in. Whether you’re waiting for a spouse, a job, a child, purpose, or something else. My charge to you is this: don’t waste your season. Activate your faith in God. Ask Him what His thoughts are on the matter. Cry out to Him. Recite truths over yourself or about God’s character in the mirror. Have trusted friends pray for you. Don’t sit idly by or stuff your pain. Let God in. He desires to heal you and grow you in this season but He can’t if you don’t allow Him. Boldly, courageously take that first step, and then another one and another one. Overcome fear with truth and God’s love. Perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).
To end this blog, I am going to share an excerpt from one of my letters to my future husband. Hope this encourages you in some way.
[I’m around so many people getting engaged and married and I’m wondering when it’s my turn, if ever? And if I’m not good enough or God’s forgotten me or I’m just making an idol of marriage that needs to be torn down?? So, this is where I’m at. Just to be perfectly real. Wondering if you feel the same or have ever had these thoughts… But, yeah. I don’t know if you even exist but I hope and pray that you do. But not to complete me or to be the final missing piece. But to increase my Kingdom work/influence and to push/point me closer to Abba and lead me and love me and be my life partner. Keep the faith and I will, too. Our God is pretty freakin’ GOOD and we are blessed beyond measure.
Love,
A hopeful Raina]
