Celebration is a Lifestyle

So, my words for this year of our Lord 2021 are FAVOR and CELEBRATE. I definitely was excited about these words especially since my word for last year was “Growth” and I wasn’t very happy about doing more growth after 2 good but hard years of extreme growth with the Lord. But, He was faithful and I grew and endured hard things in 2020 just as most of you did and He definitely delivered on His promise of growth for me.  

Anyways, back to this year’s promise of favor and celebration…He’s been speaking to me a LOT, like all the tiimmmmeeee, about my 33rd year of life, which starts in 2 days. He keeps reminding me of promises He will fulfill this year for me and goodness in store and He’s continually challenging me to get my hopes up and have grand expectations of what He will do, instead of keeping my expectations low so I don’t get disappointed, which is my default so I can protect myself from pain. (Newsflash: it doesn’t work. I still experience[d] pain.)  So, I’m EXPECTANT of all He will do for me and in me and through me this year.  

So far, what I’m learning is: Celebration isn’t always jumping up and down and excitement and all the happy feelings. You see, my dear beautiful friend Kathy, who embodies Jesus’ love/light/joy/boldness/grace/fun/wisdom so incredibly well, died today 1/17/21 at 3:16 pm.

Backtrack: I knew this January would be special as it’s the 22nd anniversary of my Dad’s death and the days line up correctly to when He died in 1999. He died on Friday 1/15, Funeral on Monday 1/18 (MLK day), and my birthday was on Tuesday 1/19 and that’s how the days are this year. So, the Lord has been redeeming His death for me the past 3 years and restoring all that was lost that day of His death and everything the enemy used against me for 20 years and I knew that it wasn’t a coincidence that the days were exactly correct and that I actually noticed it and was aware of it. So, my Dad dies on a Friday 1/15, then on the third day Sunday 1/17, today, Kathy dies. Then on the third day from today, it’s my 33rd birthday on 1/19. See 3 days, 3 days, 3-3. Nothing is coincidence. God speaks to me through numbers a lot lately. 

But, I digress. So, I’m in my seat on my phone waiting for a worship and praise special service at a church I attended for the first time today to start, and I receive the text that says she passed 2 hours prior. I’m already at the church and I already knew I needed worship and prayer and that’s why I intentionally pre-registered to come to a church I don’t attend because I wanted to worship the Lord twice today on my day off. So, I’m there. Don’t know a soul. And, I’m just bawling crying and trying to keep it together but also wearing a mask so a little less obvious but still a hot mess and then deciding, who the heck cares anyways and let all the tears come throughout the 2 hour service where God ministered to my heart and all the hearts and awakened and strengthened His army of warriors and I prayed for Kathy’s family and friends who are grieving and for other people on my heart and that were prompted by the Holy Spirit. And, at some points, I’m just crying and my heart is split wide open. At other moments, I’m swaying and literally jumping for joy.  They knew how to worship our God, okay??!!!  

And, it struck me: This is the beauty of opening up your heart and risking it breaking and getting ripped apart. Had I never known or talked to Kathy, I’d never have to experience this pain. But, I would’ve missed out on knowing and being loved by a woman who is more like Jesus than almost anyone I’ve ever met.  And, I realized: It’s always worth the risk to open up your heart to love. Even if you get hurt. Even if the person rejects you or doesn’t reciprocate or dies and you have to grieve their loss and try to continue in a world that they no longer inhabit. Love is always a risk. But, it’s always worth it. 

As I’m experiencing the full spectrum of emotions during this 2 hour church service where I know nobody and only God can comfort me as I process the death of my friend and try to actually feel the feelings instead of numbing the pain and stuffing it down like I’m so accustomed to doing, the Lord softly speaks to my heart.  THIS is Celebration, Beloved. Yes, sometimes “Joy comes in the morning.” But, actually Joy Comes In the MOURNING. Joy and Mourning are not incompatible. Grief and Celebration are companions and you can have them both at the same time, hold them in your palms and experience them both. You don’t have to wait til the grieving is over to celebrate. You celebrate as you grieve. As you endure hard things. Amidst the suffering, there is always room for celebration. 

“For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.”  [Hebrews 12:2]

This is Jesus, our example and the One who now dwells in us and enables us to do even greater things than Him (John 14:12). He had Hope, because He knew Joy was coming, so He endured. What an example He gave us!  Literally sweating blood moments before His torture and execution for humans who didn’t appreciate him or worship him, let alone love Him. And He Counted It All As Joy. My G42 director and friend Ethan encourages us to “Embrace the Suffering.”  And, my friend and wise woman of God Amy advises, “Don’t rob yourself of the God of all Comfort.”  

So, whenever we face trials of any kind, we have a choice. To choose to let the trial overwhelm us or to be overwhelmed by God’s sovereignty in the situation and the authority we have as His children who sit in heavenly places and have the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead in us. Christ in us, the Hope of Glory. (Colossians 1:27) 

We get to run to social media/ eating/ binge watching shows/ keeping our schedules crammed full/ addiction/ codependent relationships or whatever else your numbing agent of choice is. OR we can run to God and “lean back into the loving arms of a beautiful Father. Breathe deep and know that He is good. He’s a love like no other” (Capital City Music).  And, if we choose to do the latter, because it IS a choice, then we experience aspects of God’s character and goodness that we would not experience any other way. We become familiar with the God of comfort/ peace/ sustenance/ joy and more through letting Him just sit with us and hold our broken/ hurting/ wounded hearts in his hands and let Him breathe life back into them and clean the wounds (it may sting like no other but….) and actually heal us and be our Sustainer so that we can keep going and be people who are steadfast and so that we get to experience Joy and Peace that transcend all understanding because it doesn’t make sense. 

How do you know Joy when your grief is so heavy it threatens to consume you and drown you in its depths?  How do you hold onto Peace when you are on shaky ground and it’s chaotic around you and the storm is raging and you forget what the sun shining on your face even feels like?  How do you rest and know in your core that God really is good when it isn’t fair and she died too soon and How could a good God allow all this pain? 

I don’t know much but I do know one thing: To Live is Christ, To Die is Gain. (Philippians 1:21) And, this is the verse that comes to mind to sum up what my friend Kathy stood for and lived out so incredibly well. 

To know God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) intimately, one must endure suffering and allow Him to comfort and sustain us through it and then heal any wounds in His timing in His way. Your faith is shallow until you endure something that shakes you to your core and then you have to choose to go deeper with God or to back away from Him because the God you know wouldn’t allow all this hurt and suffering. But, is the God you know the true God?  I personally don’t believe God causes most suffering but I do believe He uses it for good. 

What am I saying with all of this?  I don’t know. I’m just in day 17 of this glorious year of restoration and redemption also known as 2021. I’m learning that Celebration isn’t confined to moments that the world declares warrant it but that Celebration can be for all circumstances, no matter how painful or hard. And, doesn’t it mean more when we choose to celebrate amidst the suck?  

We can choose to Celebrate:

• God’s goodness

• His abundant, extravagant love for us

• His unchanging character

• His provision even now

• His presence with us even in this situation

• The people around us who are made in God’s image and embody a unique hue of His character/ personality

• The Victory that is coming

• His faithfulness in the past

• You can figure out the rest 😉 

I love y’all. Happy 2021, the second year of the Golden 20’s as I like to call them. 

Love,

A girl living her best life 

***This blog is dedicated to my beautiful friend Kathy who left her mark on this world in ways none of us will fully realize til we join her in heaven where she’s currently worshipping with the angels and tribes from every nation and talking Jesus’ ear off 🙂