I thought I knew myself and of who I was, I felt sure

I lived my life focused, disciplined and tried to remain pure

I put my identity in grades, hobbies, appearance and career

I sought affirmation from others, enveloped in a cloud of fear

Fear of: man, failure, rejection, loneliness, and not measuring up

I ran to all the wrong things in efforts to fill up my ever-emptying cup

I chased down the American dream as culture urged me to do

Earned my degree and started working in a reputable vocation, woohoo

I learned a lot, made good friends and tried to make a difference

But deep down I knew that something pivotal was missing    

I became bitter, jaded, and desperate for something more

I felt I was losing my soul and I could no longer ignore

This ache in my heart for a grander purpose and a love so secure

That I would be loved just as I am with a life of adventure and allure

Maybe this was the reason I’d been single for all these years

And the immense freedom I had would open new frontiers

You see, I had learned about Jesus at a young age

Knew the bible stories, doctrine, and that by grace you are saved

But only recently was I learning the intimacy and relationship part

Hearing His voice and Holy Spirit’s role: it was such an art

I am quite headstrong so the Lord had to take my job to get my attention

And provide friends who’d push me to overcome my apprehension

But He got me to the World Race and opened up my mind and heart so much

Helped me walk out my giftings, hear Him clearly and press through the rough

He revealed blind spots, healed wounds, and cemented my identity in Him

Doing life in community, overflowing His love to others, and filling me up to the brim

Now, my focus has shifted and it’s Christ I live for

I don’t want to live for myself anymore

I’m here in Spain to grow deeper roots and get vision

So I can discover my calling and truly live life on mission

The Lord is still peeling back layers, refining, and unearthing the true me

All He asks is that I press in, trust His plan, and Just BE.

Love,

Raina, a woman of God on the journey of BECOMING