Comparison: The Struggle is REAL

So, they say that comparison is the thief of joy. And, I am here to say I wholeheartedly agree. I think it’s especially hard today due to society’s emphasis on being perfect and having it all together as portrayed on social media, TV, magazines, commercials and the like. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others as we scroll through Instagram, flip through a magazine, or watch a movie. For women especially, we look at models or actresses and believe this is the standard we must live up to. So, we apply our mascara and foundation, buy the trendy outfit, put in some extra hours at the gym and hope that we measure up. Body image becomes more important than our internal selves sometimes. If we have our “ish” together on the outside, then surely that will compensate for any flaws on the inside. And then, sometimes how we look becomes more of our identity than who we are truly, underneath it all.  

Or maybe it’s comparison of what season of life you’re in? They say you can never be happy with what you have. And that’s often true. If we’re single, we want to be married and we dream of that special someone who’s gonna sweep us off our feet and make it all okay. If we’re married, we wonder when the babies will come and why no one told us marriage would be so dang HARD. Once we have kids, we walk around like zombies at the mercy of a toddler’s every whim and tantrum and we envy our single friends who have so much freedom and can shower freely without having children attached at the hip. After we’re retired, we enjoy our free time but we struggle to find our identity without our career and we look at others in their prime and want to be in their shoes, if just for a day.

Perhaps, you compare yourself to other people and start to envy traits that they have. You wish you were as attractive, as smart, as free-spirited, as successful, as independent, as talented, as funny, as outgoing, as______ as them. You lose sight of the gold inside of you because you think you would be okay if you just had ________. You feel you aren’t enough as you are. Often you start to resent the person because you feel you deserve to have that trait and believe God is holding out on you. That maybe He made a mistake. And if you were more like them, you would be happier, more likeable, more successful, have more friends, ________.

Or is it comparison of the relationships that others have? You wish you had a husband who adored you and sent you flowers “just because” but instead you and your spouse are on the brink of divorce and you don’t know how it got to this point. You envy the tight-knit family that does everything together and has a daily group text and wish your family was closer. You see your good friend get closer to a new friend at her work and you find yourself left out and forgotten. You see other parents with perfectly healthy children and you love your special needs child but it’s just so tiring and draining in every way and you wonder “Why me, Lord? Why can’t my child be healthy, too?”

I don’t know what it is for you. Likely it’s a combination of all the above, different things at different times of the day and seasons of our lives. We all battle this. This comparison. This rejection of what the Lord has given us and who He has made us to be and this desire for more, for better, for what others’ have. We forget that behind the cheerful social media post, wreath-decorated front door, and walls of our hearts, there’s real pain and struggle and brokenness. That behind every “no filter” instagram post is a broken person who has insecurities, hardships, and flaws. We’re all striving for wholeness and contentment and no one has arrived, this side of heaven at least. That person you’re comparing yourself to has his own issues hidden underneath that outer put-together appearance he presents to the world. He’s likely struggling with comparison, too. Maybe even to you.

So, “what is the solution?” you ask. Great question. I haven’t fully figured it out yet. But, I’m going through a season where I struggle with comparison anew to others on my squad and the relationships they have. It’s robbing me of the peace and joy I have in Christ and making me question my identity. I’m starting to base my identity on how others perceive me and how I compare to others. And I don’t like it. I’ve had enough. I know my identity is rooted in and secure in Christ but my heart is struggling to believe it. But, I’m tired of Satan feeding me lies and me accepting them as truths. I’m determined to take my thoughts captive and take back the ground the Enemy has stolen from me in my mind.

Will you fight with me, too? Fight against comparison and the Enemy’s lie that if we could just have _____ or be more _____, we’d be content. Because, it’s a LIE. It’s not, “the grass is greener on the other side.” It’s “the grass is greener where you water it.” As in, we already possess all we need to have true lasting peace and joy in Christ. His death on the cross for us and the gift of the Holy Spirit in us guarantees it. We can be content in any and all circumstances through Christ who strengthens us (Phil 4:12-13).

So, how do we fight this battle against comparison? Here’s a few things I’ve learned and the Lord has shown me:

1. You should daily pray Ephesians 6:10-20 over yourself when you wake up to put on the armor of God so you can be prepared for the Enemy’s schemes.

2. Read the Word and meditate on it daily and on the truths of who you are in Christ.

3. Ask the Lord who He says you are and then read that over yourself regularly to remind yourself of your true identity. So that it’s rooted in Him and not who others, the world or yourself say you are.

4. Stay in community with others who you are vulnerable with and with whom you feel safe sharing your struggles. You will need them to speak truths over yourself when you aren’t able to. But they can’t do this unless you’re open and honest with them.

5. Pray to the Lord and tell Him your struggles. Ask Him for strength and guidance and to speak truth over you and for you to believe it. Invite Him in to the hurt so He can heal you.

6. Consider fasting and praying for a renewed mind and Spirit. Ask the Lord what He wants you to fast from: food, social media, etc. For me, it helps to take a hiatus from social media because comparison comes up when I scroll through.

7. Start a gratitude journal and write at least 10 things you’re thankful for in it each day. It’s harder to wish we had more or were like someone else when we’re concentrating on the good things we do have.

8. Give yourself grace. This is often a lifelong battle. But the Lord’s in the business of renewing minds (Romans 12:2) and He can transform yours. But you’ll have setbacks and pity parties and that’s okay. Just keep pushing ahead because it’s worth it. He promises to do more than we can ask or imagine! (Ephesians 3:20)

I hope this blog has helped you or at least reminded you that we all suffer from comparison. It’s one of Satan’s oldest tactics, to get us focused on what others have so that we don’t see and enjoy the blessings right in front of us. But, let’s resolve to stand together in this and start combating comparison. For when we’re satisfied in the Lord and who we are in Him, this is when He gets the most glory and us the most joy.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
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