The Lord has been teaching me some things lately and I’ve had some breakthrough with revelation from Him and through some amazing G42 alumni speaking into me and reigniting my fire. I feel the theme of this season in my life is simply: “Stand firm.”
This verse comes to mind:
“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
Ephesians 6:13
These past few months have been difficult for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Moving to a new city in the middle of the pandemic and starting a job that isn’t your particular favorite has been rough honestly. The enemy has definitely used isolation against me and I know we are all going through a lot with COVID and #blacklivesmatter so really I’m doing pretty well, considering.
It’s easy to think that logically but what my heart feels doesn’t always line up with the reasoning I can try to convince myself in my head. I’ve definitely gotten off track a bit and felt hopeless and despondent often lately. Wondering how the heck is this abundant life and why on earth, Lord, did you drag me to this city for such a time as this? I’ve even thought, Is this what my life has come to? Is this the best you have for me, Lord? I found myself envying everyone else I knew, assuming, Surely, they have it better than me. At least they have other people at home to quarantine with and aren’t alone with no way to hang out with friends like me.
I focused on the negative aspects of my job and experienced stress and anxiety to the point of physical daily symptoms and I’ve never had it to this degree ever before in my life. I sat in the victim circle and wallowed in self-pity and wanted God to just rescue this hot mess damsel in distress and perform a miracle and get me out of this situation with a new job and an already established community of friends in a COVID-free world. Oh, and if He could throw in a husband chasing after Jesus that would be the icing on top.
I really wasn’t prioritizing quality time with Jesus and when prompted by a friend, I finally sat and listened. And, He gave me freedom to do what I wanted with the job situation. But, as I listened more, He kept repeating in this season, “Just trust me.” And, He told me, “Not yet.” He kept reminding me to just stand firm and be steadfast and not to make any sudden decisions out of a want to escape the hard circumstances but instead to find the good in them and persevere anyways, even if He didn’t change my situation. He told me to remain faithful where I am now and that He’s refining me through my circumstances and I’m trying to escape out of the refining fire too soon because it’s painful and uncomfortable and I just don’t like it. But, “I am doing a new thing in you, Beloved,” He said. “Take heart and wait on me.”
Two dear friends of mine really encouraged me during this time and spoke life into me and explained that I was in a dark room and the Lord was doing things and developing the pictures but I was trying to open the door to get out into the light and it would ruin all the film so He’s telling me to just stay in the dark room a little longer until He gives me the okay and even if I can’t see the good that’s happening in me, I can trust that He’s developing me in this season and molding me and equipping me to take authority over my mind and heart and anxiety/ depression/ etc like never before. How can I walk others into freedom if I don’t stay and fight and win the battle myself first? I have to first free myself from the chains of anxiety that I’ve let wrap around me before I can free anyone else. And, I had a major shift in my perspective and I’ve felt more myself than I have in the past 3 months. Praise the Lord!!
Really, it just came down to me communing with the Lord privately and through friends and taking back the authority He’s already given me that I’ve had all along but set aside for a bit. That made all the difference. None of my circumstances have changed, but I’ve chosen to see them with a new lens. I’ve had to choose into joy, hope, faith, peace, and love when I didn’t feel it and then I started to be filled with those fruits of the Spirit because we always have access to them but it’s a daily choice. Instead of letting others’ actions and outside forces I can’t control dictate how I feel and act, I chose to let God’s truth and how He sees me and what He says guide me. I was told at G42 that I never have to dim my light again. And, I feel I let my light go dim and lay down my sword and for that, I apologize to you, and to the Lord. But, your girl is back. And, I’m stronger for it.
I’m learning that abundant life isn’t what I’d envision necessarily or what I’d prefer but it’s always available because God is always available and His love is better than life (Psalm 63:3). Blake Healy explained that we don’t need to be afraid of the Kingdom of darkness because all we have to do is “turn on the light.” When we enter a dark room, we just flip the light switch and “Voila!” all the darkness is gone. We simply just have to show up and say yes and be the light wherever we are and the darkness is driven out. I’ve felt defeated in this season and felt I wasn’t advancing the Kingdom and likely was losing ground, and the Lord has sweetly whispered, “Just stand firm, my love.” “Don’t worry about driving out the enemy or how you are regressing; just stand your ground. And if you fall, get back up again. That’s winning the battle in my book.”
Another word of wisdom from a friend is to encourage others and pour out, especially when you’re at your lowest and feel you have nothing to give for as you let God use you as a vessel, you yourself are refreshed. I knew this logically. But, I’ve had to choose it lately and starting to do that and encourage others, which when I’m healthy I naturally do with ease and joy, has really cemented the shift in me. It’s taken my eyes off myself and my “woes” and shifted them to the person right in front of me or miles away who also is going through something and to whom I can be a voice of encouragement and God’s caress to them. And by doing that, I feel myself getting filled up and fired up to love His people and advance the Kingdom.
So my encouragement to you is to simply STAND. To intentionally sit at the Father’s feet and ask Him how He sees you and what He’s doing in your situation and what is good about it. To reach out to others to encourage them and make them feel seen and loved even when you feel you are the one who needs encouragement. To speak truth over yourself. To renew your mind and take your thoughts captive. To fellowship with others virtually or in person and don’t give into isolation. To search out the good in this season as one digging for treasure for I promise you it’s here because He’s here and He is Good.
All my love,
Raina
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”
Hebrews 10:23
“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.”
Psalm 107:9
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.'”
Lamentations 3:22-24
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4
